


Gobble and a Hap-Hap!

by MadDramaQueen



Series: RT Extra Life 1,337 word fic challenge [7]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: happy late thanksgiving, on the spot did this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 21:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12849447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadDramaQueen/pseuds/MadDramaQueen
Summary: What happens when Farmer Ryan has a talking turkey?![thank you, On The Spot for this story prompt. xD]





	Gobble and a Hap-Hap!

It was a beautiful Thanksgiving morning for Ol' Farmer Ryan. Stretching from his bed, he yawned and slowly got up. It was a simple bed, but he was a simple farmer. He looked out the window at the rising sun and smiled.

"What a bea-u-ti-ful Thanksgiving mornin'! Can't wait to get me some of that good ol' turkey dinner!" he smiled as his stomach growled in agreement. He patted his stomach and wagged his finger at it. "Easy there, feller. You'll get yer fill soon enough. Gotta get out to the farm and shoot me a turkey for tonight!"

Ryan got his trusty shotgun from his wooden display in the living room. Surrounding it were several taxidermy game from Ryan's hunting days. He still had his bearskin rug that he showed bears that tried to kill him. To no one's surprise, it worked.

Ryan put on his straw hat and headed outside. It was a bit chilly in the morning, but his long sleve shirt and overalls helped him stay warm. That, and the thrill of the hunt. Though, this time, the turkey wasn't being hunted. It was being plumped up for consumption for the past 2 weeks. 

Ryan went up to the gates where the turkey lie behind. It was quite the bald turkey with some orange and purple in the feathers. The waddle wiggled with every gobble from the turkey. Ryan took the turkey and brought it over to a stump. 

"Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this one. Stay still now, friend." Ryan grinned as he put the turkey's head on the stump. He raised his shotgun and was about to shoot its head off.

"{GOBBLE} {GOB'-HAP} HAP HAP!! Hey! Hey there!" 

Ryan looked around in confusion. "Who-who done said that?"

"I...guess, I guess I did. Down here."

Ryan looked down to see the turkey shyly waving back at him. The turkey backed away while Ryan closely observed it.

"Goodness me. You can talk?? Turkeys can talk?!" Ryan asked in shock. 

"Well, I don't know about all of them buddy, but I sure can. I think my previous owner named me Jeremy. So, call me that, I guess." the turkey shrugged.

Ryan lowered his gun and tilted his head. "Huh. I must be half asleep or something. There's no way turkeys can talk. But, I'll entertain my drowsiness, I guess. The name's Ryan. Nice to meet- W-wait a minute. What am I doing, making nice with a turkey? You're my dinner! I'm gonna shoot ya!" Ryan quickly pointed the gun at Jeremy the Turkey.

The orange and purple feathered turkey warbled in surprise. "No! Please! Don't eat me, new friend! I'm the only one of my kind that can talk, hap hap! Plus, I don't taste good at all. Trust me. I have bad meat." he quickly shook his head. 

"Now, I think you're lyin' to me. I've been stuffing you silly fer weeks!" 

"Yeah...about that. Turkey's aren't a big fan of that Diet Coke stuff. Everything else you gave me was all right, though."

Ryan made a mental note to not feed his animals his favorite soda. More for him, anyway. Ryan poked Jeremy a couple times in the stomach. "Ooh! Nice and plump! Perfect! I done did a good job with feeding ya!"

"Done did? Buddy, I think you need to work on your words." the turkey chuckled.

Ryan glared at him. "And this is why you're on the menu tonight, smart aleck! I'm gonna feast tonight! Now, hold still, will ya?!" 

The turkey gobbled and went "Hap hap!" before taking off in a run. 

"HEY! You git back here right now, you thanksgiving dinner, you!" Ryan exclaimed, chasing the quite fast and agile turkey around the farm. With each dodge and turn, Jeremy was losing the simple farmer in a chase. As the turkey hid behind a tree, he could hear Ryan panting a few feet away from him.

"All right, you turkey." Ryan panted, hands on his knees. "I just got up this mornin' and I haven't had my exercises yet. Once I can catch my breath, you're a dead duck! Er, turkey. Because you're a turkey."

Turkey Jeremy took this time to catch his own breath. How was he gonna get away? Where would he go from here? He didn't have time to think much when he heard the sound of a gun being prepped to fire. He slowly turned around to see Ryan standing in front of him.

"Aha! I found you! And I'm gonna shoot you and eat you for my Thanksgiving dinner, just like I promised I would!" Ryan smirked. 

Jeremy warbled and pointed towards Ryan but to the distance. "Hey! What's that over there??" 

"W-What?" 

Ryan turned around and in a flash, his shotgun was gone. Instead, it was in the hands of the turkey. Fumbling around with the shotgun, he pointed it at Ryan as the farmer held his hands up in shock.

"Oh my goodness! All right, you put that gun down now. You have no idea what you're doing with that thing! It's dangerous!"

"Shut up! As long as I have this thingy here, you can't kill me and eat me!" Jeremy exclaimed. 

"Listen here, you put the gun down and we can talk about this, all right? No need to resort to this!" Farmer Ryan tried to bargain.

"I don't think so. That's probably some trick you humans do to get me to put it down and then you're gonna pick it up and kill me! Not falling for it, pal!" Jeremy turned the gun around multiple times, trying to get a grasp on what exactly he's holding. 

"B-be careful, Jeremy. You don't know what you're doing. Just take it easy." Ryan warned the turkey.

"How the hell do you even use this thing?!" Jeremy yelled in frustration.

"Uh, I mean, I don't know if I should tell you-"

"YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOW HOW TO USE THIS THING!" Jeremy pointed the gun at him with force, but what Jeremy didn't know was that he was holding the gun backwards.

"Stubborn mule of a turkey, I swear." Ryan muttered. "All ya gots to do is just pull that trigger right there and somethin' will fly out and hurt me." 

"Oh. All right, then."

Jeremy was about to pull the trigger but at the last second Ryan leaned the gun to fire upwards and the shot went past the turkey's shoulder.

"What the-?!" the turkey gobbled in shock.

"I-I'm sorry. Look. You seemed like a good meal at the time, but with all the talkin' and stuff, I don't think I can kill you. I've never seen a talking turkey with such...oddly colored feathers. Maybe there's a way we can coexist without me trying to kill you all the time." Farmer Ryan shrugged.

"Well, there's one way." Jeremy muttered. "I'm not actually a turkey. I mean, I am, but I was cursed to be this way. You gotta kiss me for me to turn back to human."

"W-what?! Cursed by who??"

"This witch bitch who actually wore orange and purple walking down the road and I laughed at her for the horrendous color choice. Turns out, I got fucked and this happened to me. And then you almost killed me..." Jeremy sighed, his waddle wiggling during that long explanation. 

"You'd better not tell a soul about what I'm about to do." Ryan looked around him a couple times, to make sure no one was looking. "Goodbye, Turkey Jeremy." 

Ryan leaned in and kissed the turkey on the beak. The turkey instantly fell over and was covered by a bright light that blinded the simple farmer. After seconds, he uncovered his eyes to see a man in overalls and orange and purple hair lying in front of him.

Farmer Ryan poked him. "Excuse me, but do you happen to be the turkey that was just standing here not too long ago?"

Jeremy opened his eyes and smiled at the Farmer. 

"That was worth the wait."


End file.
